Sadly We Want to Be Right Rather Than Be Compassionate
I know for a fact that acceptance for who we are (lesbians, gays, bisexuals, transgenders, and queers) is still a long road ahead. Yes, we are tolerated in some sense, but accepted, not really, not yet.
I would sometimes read the comments on LGBT-related articles and every time I do, I get disappointed and saddened by what I read. How did we get so vile and vicious towards one another? When did we become so disconnected from compassionate thinking and compassionate acts?
We Hate and Bicker Too Much
There is just so much bickering and hatred. There is a big divide amongst us. Yes, we are divided. On one side are the LGBTQs and our allies, rallying for our basic human rights and acceptance. On another side are those keen on changing who we are, stopping us from being our true selves, denying us of equal rights.
It seems to me that instead of having a dialogue so that we understand one another better, we go into a diatribe. We all want to prove we are right and better than the other that we resort to name calling, insulting jabs, snide remarks and what nots. Hateful speech is uttered like it's just the most normal thing to do. Like it's as pleasant to the ears as a good morning greeting. We are dripping with disdain towards one another. We utter words meant to injure, humiliate, cause pain and make someone feel small all for the sake of proving our brilliance.
We've Become Less and Less Compassionate
In a time where we see inspirational quotes - beautiful words with beautiful meaning meant to inspire and make us a better version of ourselves so we can make the world a better place - almost everyday and everywhere, we seem to be going the opposite direction. Not a day goes by when I check on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram (yeah, I made a habit of checking in on social media) that I don't see inspiring quotes. So where are we getting things wrong? Why have we become less and less compasionnate?
When I wrote the article I've Decided That Hating Those Who Hate Us Is Not Okay in response to the pingpong of hateful speech and spiteful remarks between the pro equality and the anti-equality groups, I appealed to my fellow LGBTQ members and our allies to refrain from hating the others and from uttering hateful speech.
My plea didn't sit well with some. I got a handful of messages from the LGBTQ community and our allies. To sum it up, the core of the messages was oh screw them! F### the haters. Being nice to them won't change their minds. I responded to one of the comments I received with this.
I have to be honest, I have been tempted to crack a wise-ass response, an insulting jab, a snarky remark. I have enjoyed the short-term rush that comes from hating the haters - the others as we consciously or subconsciously label them. It can get the people on my side rolling, rising to their feet, applauding. But that doesn't last.
The others can just as easily band together and they do whenever they believe they are being attacked.
I believe that connecting with people, understanding them and most of all being respectful is a better strategy than hating them more or hating them back.
The thing is when we see the haters as the others, a crowd, we forget to remember that they are people. The crowd in worst situations can create an out of control mob - all riled up and bloodthirsty.
But people on the other hand. They are real. You can look them in the eye and they can look back into yours. They can grow, change, and be generous. Because if we stop believing in the goodness of people, their capacity to open their hearts and change - what is the point in all of these?
We Talk To Each Other with Such Aggression
It frustrates me seeing how aggressive we've become when talking to each other. I strongly agree that we must speak against injustice and cruelty. But when we do speak our minds, all too often we're aggressive. When we go into discussions or dialogues, we're not really there to listen. We're there sizing up the other side and too busy coming up with a brilliant retaliation. Both sides are just too caught up hammering each other with words meant to cut and make the other feel small or stupid.
When we do this, we're actually cutting down our own horizons and the dialogue becomes a circus, a diatribe - dividing us further. Hateful speech have become our ammunition for the other side to accept our point of view. Time and time again, we have seen how ineffective this is - but we carry on anyway thinking that if we can't change their minds let's just hate them.
The Free Speech Cop Out
What frustrates me even more is when people would utter "free speech" in their defense. Yes, it's a beautiful thing - free speech. But are you using free speech to make things better or just to humiliate the other and stroke your ego?
Have We Forgotten About the Golden Rule?
In our quest to make ourselves feel better, more superior and smarter than the people holding an opposing view we forget about having compassion. Compassion is not pitying others, it's putting someone else in the center of your world. It's the golden rule. Do unto others as you would want others do unto you or Do not do unto others what you would not have others do unto you. Have we forgotten about this?
Put yourself in the place of others. If you were in my shoes - if you were a lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or queer or if you were a minority how would you feel when people start calling you an abomination, a sin, immoral and other awful things? How would you feel being treated as a 2nd class citizen and a joke? How would you feel when the very government whose job is to protect and uphold your right say oh you're just not going to have some of the basic human rights since we don't agree with your sexuality - even though that's just one aspect of who you are?
Compassion for Those Against You
I on my part, have started practicing the Golden Rule. I placed myself in the shoes of those who are against equality. They do receive nasty remarks too - You're an idiot. You're stupid. Your religion is the cause of all things evil or You're a moron for believing in a God and other demeaning remarks. I don't want to be on the receiving end of such nasty speech. So I don't utter them. I'm going to be honest, it's hard.
But you can not just give compassion to your friends or to those who are on the same side -whether it be ideals, religion, culture, etc - as you. Because that's an easy thing to do. It's hard to be compassionate to the people who are against you. We have been taking the easy choice for the longest time and look where it has gotten us?
We Can Be Friends
Maybe, just maybe, if we give others as much importance as we give ourselves, things would be a lot better. When each of us start refusing to inflict to the other the very thing that can cause our hearts pain, then perhaps our differences will no longer matter. Maybe we can stand side by side, live in harmony and even become friends.
It has been done before. I will let this video "Two Faiths One Prayer -- Muslims and Jews Pray Together in LA" speak for its beauty.
