Stories That Matter: When Discrimination Becomes Excruciating and Terrifying
First, there’s the lingering stare. The first few times, you just walked on by, not minding the eyes that follow your trail. On the day you finally looked up to meet their eyes, they bowed their heads and the whispering started. The words are unclear as the voices are too low. So you just kept on walking with your strides going faster. Until one day, they decided to let you hear their thoughts.
It starts with name calling. Stunned is what you felt the first time you heard a demeaning remark from your neighbors, who by the way are full grown adults. Before you could react, their boisterous and mocking laughter erupts. You decided that walking faster to reach the safety of your own home is a wiser decision. And so that’s what you did.
This happens almost every day. Rumors about you started spreading like wildfire. You become your neighbors’ favorite topic to discuss – actually, you become their favorite person to pick on, especially your next door neighbors. They start putting you under a microscope. Keeping a close eye on almost everything that you do.
And of course, they always find faults. Of course they do. They don’t like the way you park your car, they don’t like your dog, even when you’re just sweeping your yard, it seems to irritate the married couple that lives next door to you. And for what reason?
Because you’re different from them. Because you are not the “traditional” male. You’re a trans man.
“Salot sa lipunan” (A menace to society). You could not count anymore how many times they have called you this. It hurts of course, even though you try to convince yourself that these are just words and they can’t break you. But they do break you at times – most of the time. But you keep yourself together. You have to. The love of your life is sick. She’s diagnosed with papillary cancer stage 3. You don’t want to stress her out because that’s just going to make things worse. So you take a deep breath and hope that tomorrow would be better.
But the taunting continues. One laundry day, you were hanging clothes in the backyard and it so happens that your neighbor was in the mood to give you trouble. Hey! Mr. Stupid. Your wife is Mrs. Stupid, he mockingly tells you. You did not want to get into an argument, so you just took his words and said nothing.
It’s obvious that no matter how much you try to shield your partner from this stressful situation, it’s affecting her. She’s sad, on the verge of being depressed. You try to reassure her that everything’s going to be okay. Things will get better. Both of you held on to that beautiful hope. Because, really, it seems that that’s all you have and each other. And that’s enough to get you through another day.
But seemingly, the odds are not in your favor. The mocking continues. Both of you are tired working at night in a contact center. You sleep the day off but when you wake up, your next door neighbors are on to you again. You tried to get the baranggay involved. You filed a complaint. But nothing happened. There isn’t an anti-discrimination law to protect you and your partner. So both of you went home defeated and feeling let down by the government who’s supposed to protect your rights as promised by our Constitution.
On Christmas Day, you thought that maybe your neighbors would leave you alone. Because, hey, people tend to be kinder this time of the year. But you thought wrong. Oh dear, were you so wrong. As you went out your door, your neighbor started making a scene. He’s quite happy since he’s got an audience, a crowd looking on as he belittles you. You just kept quiet.
“Whatever you do with yourself, you won’t be a man. You’re just a tomboy,” your neighbor said.
You couldn’t keep quiet anymore. So you answered him.
“I’m a man.”
But he doesn’t get it. He doesn’t understand that a person’s genitalia does not dictate one’s gender identity. It seems that he wants to dictate who you’re supposed to be as supposed to just letting you be who you are or at the very least have the kindness and decency to just leave you alone.
He continued on with his insults.
So on Christmas Day of 2015, a day that should have been filled with happiness and cheers, you locked yourself in the bathroom and spent hours just crying. Letting your tears fall as if it’s going to wash away all the pain, all the insults that you’ve been swallowing. But the pain remains. It lingers. It stabs you repeatedly.
But you thought about the love of your life. You have to be strong for her. So you picked yourself up again and opened the door. There she was, she’s been crying too. She knows the pain you’re going through. You both share the same pain. And this hurts you even more.
Both of you decided to just shut the world out that Christmas Day. You held on to each other as if to give each other support. And you pray and hope for things to get better sooner.
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This is the story of Yani and his partner Amy . This is what discrimination looks and feels like.
